Reactive couples often seek therapy because their relationship feels stuck—locked in cycles of anger, withdrawal, and escalating conflict. In Imago Relationship Therapy, this stage is known as the power struggle: a predictable and necessary phase of relationship development where growth is trying to happen, but couples may become frozen at an impasse. This talk brings together three different perspectives to offer a rich, clinically grounded exploration of how couples therapists can understand and work effectively with anger and reactivity.
First, anger is explored within the relational paradigm. Anger is reframed not as the problem, but as a protective response rooted in childhood adaptations and unmet core hurts. Anger functions as an emotional and physical painkiller, impairs empathy and problem-solving, and direct expressions of anger are often experienced as threatening by the receiver. The therapist’s role in helping clients access and express the vulnerable emotions and needs beneath anger, using the structured safety of the Imago Dialogue is emphasised.
The second perspective focuses on the frozen power struggle. Couples become stuck in rigid, “icy” patterns driven by unconscious agendas and protests for unmet needs. A clear, three-phase pathway is explained —Discovery, Alignment, and Empowerment—to help couples defrost the impasse, equalise power, cultivate mutual respect and compassion, and consciously renegotiate contracts within the relationship.
The third perspective, in French with English subtitles centres on transformation beyond the power struggle. Using the Imago concept of the “space between,” an explanation of how negative relational energy can be harnessed and shifted into positive, connecting energy is offered, helping couples rediscover vitality and shared meaning.
This talk provides couples therapists with a coherent, practical framework for working with anger and reactivity—viewing conflict not as failure, but as an invitation to healing, growth, and conscious love.
Learning outcomes
By the end of this talk, participants will be able to:
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Structure as a Pathway to Connection: The Imago Dialogue as Relational Practice