Help! I caught my child watching porn, what must I do?!

South Africa · CPD points & talks · Psychologists

Our kids and porn – what on earth do we do? What do we say? And how do we advise parents to respond when the dreaded moment occurs and they stumble across their no-longer innocent kid watching porn.

 

Right now, there are at least at least 4.5 million porn sites on the web with 64 000 visitors per minute. According to a 2019 report 70.7% of tweens and 84.0% of teens encountered nudity or content of a sexual nature online. So while we are not trying to give it the thumbs up, we ARE putting it out there that it is pretty inevitable that most of our kids are going to land where your kid did today. Like anything inevitable, it’s easier if we plan for it, but if we can’t, give yourself a break, pull up your big girl panties and dive in.

 

We all have different values in relation to porn but some basics prevail when it comes to the big chat – a much harder one than the birds and the bees for sure

 

Know where you stand on porn before you get into the discussion.

Don’t respond immediately with shock, horror shame or indifference (they won’t buy the latter anyway)

Get real – if they big enough to stream it, they have to big enough to talk about it. This means NORMALISING THEIR INTEREST IN SEX, BUT Not NORMALISING WHAT THEY FIND ONLINE. What you want to get over is there is no need for shame in relation to their curiosity, but that what they are finding is not the real deal. Women and men don’t look that in real life. They don’t act like that either. Talk about how these kinds of images are going to make it hard for them to get laid in the real world, ‘cause women actually like to be engaged as people not life support systems for Vajajays. And guys don’t have to pump it for three hours straight to be considered men. If you can help them understand how porn affects THEM in THEIR lives, not just that it is sexist, you have a much higher chance of being heard.

Its also important to impart (but maybe not all on the same day) that porn is not that different to a drug – our brains need more of it to feel less. And by more in this case, we mean extremes. And then it will be hard to be aroused in the real world, by real girls. There’s no fun in that.

Don’t forget to throw in how important the notion of CONSENT is in the real world, something not often seen in the world that is PornHub.

Lastly, stay away from shaming them –even if your family values abhor porn. The teen years are hard enough without added angst.

 

Watch our talk on teens and sexting here.

- Pam and Sarah

Calabash · South Africa
Calabash Articles · South Africa
Calabash Partners · South Africa
Calabash Contributors · South Africa
Calabash Speakers · South Africa
Calabash Talks · South Africa
Calabash Sign up · South Africa
Calabash Sign in · South Africa
Personality CPD talks · South Africa
Clinical Issues CPD talks · South Africa
Neurodiversity CPD talks · South Africa
Article · What to do when your client arrives for therapy inebriated or otherwise under the influence · South Africa
Article · Common Medications for Mood Stabilization · South Africa
Article · Tidbits on Treating the Dizzy Patient · South Africa
Mindfulness CPD talks · South Africa
Person-centered therapy CPD talks · South Africa
Brain Injury CPD talks · South Africa
Talk · Criminal Minds: Understanding criminal behaviour · South Africa
Talk · Building Brains: The Cortex & Cerebellum · South Africa
Talk · Phases 2 & 3 of CBT for Eating Disorders (CBT-E): Addressing body image · South Africa
Terms of Use · South Africa
Uploading an Article · South Africa
Privacy Policy · South Africa
Calabash · Australia
Calabash Articles · Australia
Calabash Partners · Australia
Calabash Contributors · Australia
Calabash Speakers · Australia
Calabash Talks · Australia
Calabash Sign up · Australia
Calabash Sign in · Australia
Couples CPD talks · Australia
Neuro CPD talks · Australia
Therapy Modalities CPD talks · Australia
Article · SAPC Dialogues: Introduction to Public Mental Health · Australia
Article · On Santa Claus and Other Childhood Mysteries · Australia
Article · Understanding sensory processing disorder · Australia
Ulwaluko kwa Xhosa CPD talks · Australia
Memory CPD talks · Australia
COVID-19 CPD talks · Australia
Talk · Working with Adolescents in Psychotherapy · Australia
Talk · Dialectical Behaviour Therapy : Distress tolerance · Australia
Talk · DIR: Floortime- an overview · Australia
About Calabash · Australia
Frequently Asked Questions · Australia
How It Works · Australia
Calabash · New Zealand
Calabash Articles · New Zealand
Calabash Partners · New Zealand
Calabash Contributors · New Zealand
Calabash Speakers · New Zealand
Calabash Talks · New Zealand
Calabash Sign up · New Zealand
Calabash Sign in · New Zealand
Children, Teens & Families CPD talks · New Zealand
Clinical Issues CPD talks · New Zealand
Allied Health Professionals CPD talks · New Zealand
Article · Case Study: Managing tinnitus in my practice · New Zealand
Article · Thinking about Bullying · New Zealand
Article · Managing Parent Counselling · New Zealand
CPD talks · New Zealand
Hypnotherapy CPD talks · New Zealand
Hearing tests CPD talks · New Zealand
Talk · Aggression and the Nature of Symptoms · New Zealand
Talk · Speech-Sound Disorders: Differential diagnosis & treatment · New Zealand
Talk · Addressing Structural Racism · New Zealand
Frequently Asked Questions · New Zealand
About Partners · New Zealand
Privacy Policy · New Zealand
Calabash · United Kingdom
Calabash Articles · United Kingdom
Calabash Partners · United Kingdom
Calabash Contributors · United Kingdom
Calabash Speakers · United Kingdom
Calabash Talks · United Kingdom
Calabash Sign up · United Kingdom
Calabash Sign in · United Kingdom
Personality CPD talks · United Kingdom
Australian Counselling Association CPD talks · United Kingdom
Children, Teens & Families CPD talks · United Kingdom
Article · Chicken vs egg; social media vs anxiety and depression? · United Kingdom
Article · A Guide to Websites for Health Care Professionals · United Kingdom
Article · Why home treatment for dizziness is not a good idea · United Kingdom
Play Therapy CPD talks · United Kingdom
Legal Work CPD talks · United Kingdom
Learning CPD talks · United Kingdom
Talk · Understanding Dyslexia: The Speech-Language Pathologist's role · United Kingdom
Talk · Parental Counselling: Principles & practice · United Kingdom
Talk · The Enneagram: A Jungian perspective on persona & shadow aspects · United Kingdom
About Contributors · United Kingdom
Uploading an Article · United Kingdom
About Calabash · United Kingdom
Calabash · United States
Calabash Articles · United States
Calabash Partners · United States
Calabash Contributors · United States
Calabash Speakers · United States
Calabash Talks · United States
Calabash Sign up · United States
Calabash Sign in · United States
Imago Relationship Therapy CPD talks · United States
Allied Health Professionals CPD talks · United States
Australian Counselling Association CPD talks · United States
Article · SAPC Dialogues: Sue Hawkridge · United States
Article · Locating Dyslexia in the South African Schooling Context · United States
Article · Intuitive Eating & Digestive Health · United States
Language CPD talks · United States
CPD talks · United States
Hospital setting CPD talks · United States
Talk · CBT with Children & Adolescents: Social Anxiety Disorder · United States
Talk · Sensory & Emotional Regulation 4: Picky eating · United States
Talk · Personality Disorders: Theoretical framework and formulation · United States
Privacy Policy · United States
How It Works · United States
Uploading a Talk · United States
Calabash · Canada
Calabash Articles · Canada
Calabash Partners · Canada
Calabash Contributors · Canada
Calabash Speakers · Canada
Calabash Talks · Canada
Calabash Sign up · Canada
Calabash Sign in · Canada
Dialectical Behavioural Therapy CPD talks · Canada
Australian Counselling Association CPD talks · Canada
Therapy Modalities CPD talks · Canada
Article · Decolonising Psychology? · Canada
Article · Tips for therapists in a School Setting · Canada
Article · What to do when your client arrives for therapy inebriated or otherwise under the influence · Canada
Resources CPD talks · Canada
Motor learning CPD talks · Canada
Hope CPD talks · Canada
Talk · Growing a Capacity for Self-reflective Practice amongst Educators, Allied Professionals and Parents in the Early Years · Canada
Talk · Gender-Based Violence: Towards an understanding of causes & prevention · Canada
Talk · Thinking about Race in the Therapeutic Encounter · Canada
Privacy Policy · Canada
Terms of Use · Canada
About Calabash · Canada
Psychologist in Sydney